I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
