no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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