I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
That's how pantless uber rides happen
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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