this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
