false alarm. still invincible.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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