Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
