just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
My life is pants optional.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
