Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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