I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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