idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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