Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
