its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize