there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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