How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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