That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
