I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
