I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
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