I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
