I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
