I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize