I skipped work to stalk him.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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