The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
