i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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