I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
