It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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