yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
