bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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