What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize