So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
