i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
