a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
