everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
