1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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