Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
