I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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