My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
She tied me up with her honor cords...
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize