thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Randomize
