If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
