yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
