Umm I'm too high to move.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
