I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
