just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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