he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
