How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
