I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
