Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Be still, my beating vagina.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Randomize
