dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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