I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
