May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
