You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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