Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
