just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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