My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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