Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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