i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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