Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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