you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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