my vag is so smooth its legendary
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
