with your own penis?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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