That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Drunk is a universal language darling
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
