I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize