she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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