Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
