can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
