You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
