wakey wakey hands off snakey
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
