Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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