I wanna passion pit in your ass
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
