I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
