I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
