Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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