My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
