I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
No subtext here. People are naked.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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