Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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