go do what you do best...puke behind churches
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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