i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
