I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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